Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
