Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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