so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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