Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
