dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
