she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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