I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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