Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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