We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
