She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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