I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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