Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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