I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
