my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
