An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
