no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
