It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
