I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
