when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
