i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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