Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
