Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
