He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
