I bet he comes in French.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
