For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
