The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
