Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
