she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
