you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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