man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was confusing and full of hummus
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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