Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
