I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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