Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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