Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
