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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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