Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
