sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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