i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
