she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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