You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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