Whod you bang
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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