wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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