Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
