Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
