YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
