i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
