So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
