I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
