If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
