I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
