the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We are all done wearing pants today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
